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Single Gal's Guide Blog

Check out my latest blog post!

3 Reasons Why We Hate Being Single

Champagne Braswell

Society feels your value decreases once you hit your 30s.  The idea is that most people should be married by the time they hit their 30s.  The “prettier” you are the more likely you are to be married.  Not to mention that women face increasing fertility issues after the age of 35. So you have several clocks ticking.  I Also want to throw in the theory that all the good guys get snapped up quickly so when you hit your 30s you feel like you are scraping the bottom of the barrel. You start to self analyze and yearn for someone to be close to you. 

You get tired of putting up that front that you are always okay with being single.  You would love to have sound echoing through your empty house or just basically enjoy the perks of a relationship that you can't enjoy while being single. 

Having a partner is a great thing to have! You can split bills and watch your top shows while sharing some awesome social commentary. You can hang out on those lovey dovey holidays like Valentine’s Day or Sweetest Day. Not to mention a constant source of booty. (Yep! Totally added that perk!) You don’t have to answer “WYD” texts because he’s right next to you.  In the end you miss having a consistent companion. 

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Leslie Jones Echos The Sentiments of Many Single Women

Champagne Braswell

Yes, I like to exude positivity and think on the up and up but I would be a fool to say myself or to other women that I have never felt the way that she has felt.  Especially during the holidays when you see all your friends are getting married and having kids.  She shared something deep and notable that has hit many a woman on a drunken Saturday night when they look up to see their weekend bottle of Malbec is gone and the last episode of “Frankie and Grace” has played.

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I Spent Too Much Time Hating Being Single

Champagne Braswell

In actuality my standards weren’t even high.  They were a low-medium at best.  At first it was just that you needed a pulse. Then I upgraded to you need a pulse and your own car.  Finally, I got to pulse, own car/crib, job that supports you and you alone(and your kids if you have them), a good person, and someone I could mentally connect with.  I set up little rules like “I’m not going to do this until I get a man” and other things that I put out into the universe hoping to cheat destiny by pretending that I didn’t want a man, but in actuality I did. I was putting so much stress on myself and listening to others so much that I was unhappy.

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Aziz Ansari, Sexual Harrassment and What Women Need to Know

Champagne Braswell

We have to be cautious on what we call assault as this can become a slippery slope when addressing relations with the opposite sex. Of course there are major infractions that we obviously can call assault, but now we are getting to a granular level of what may be deemed as assault to others, can also be seen as miscommunication to some.  However the line of sexual assault is at times thin. We may not be able to categorize every instance of assault but what we can do is learn how to navigate those situations so that we can walk away with our dignity.     I do agree that Ansari was probably thirsty, but I hesitate at calling it a true assault because he could easily interpret her actions as welcoming. 

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Business Owner Denies Refund to Deceased Client’s Estate

Champagne Braswell

McCloud later took to Facebook to support her decision in not refunding the $350 due to Ariyan’s  signed contract at the time the deposit was paid.  Unfortunately, many people on social media strongly disagreed with McCloud’s decision.  The post she made was shared over 14,000 times and was littered with responses in support of Ariyan’s mom.  McCloud received so much backlash over her response that she ultimately had to shut down her original Facebook business page, Executively Made. 

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Ginuwine Opted Not to Kiss a Trans Woman on TV, but Why is There Outrage?

Champagne Braswell

Another issue is in this day in age sexual assault is the hot topic of all social media outlets.  It’s not just relegated to women as men have been victims of sexual assault also.  I bring this up to say, is this not sexual assault? Why is no one calling her out on forcibly trying to kiss a man who clearly was not interested from the get go? Everyone is focused on him expressing that he didn’t want to date someone who was formally a man, yet they give her a pass for pushing herself on someone.

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4 Way to have a happy single Christmas

Champagne Braswell

Use old magazines and clip out the pictures of what you want and paste them on paper or poster board.  For example, if my goal is to be a homeowner for next year, then I would find pictures of houses that I like, cut them from the magazine and paste them on my poster board.  I would do this for everything that I hope to obtain in 2018.  It’s like an art class project which is fun for adults.  The great thing about vision boards is that you will hang them up in a place where you will see it often and mentally keep yourself on track to achieve your goals. I like to do this yearly and I think it’s pretty cool! Click here for more on vision board ideas and examples to start your party.

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How to Tell if He is Worth Your Time?

Champagne Braswell

Yet, when I look at the women complaining about the men they've dated and how much time was wasted on him, I can’t help but think “how are you surprised?” At times, us women are so desperate for a solid relationship that we tend to let words carry us away and forget all about the actions that should accompany those words. You have to know your worth, meaning understand the value you bring to the table and expect that from him as well. I get that everyone is different and situations may vary, but there are some pretty similar thoughts on how to tell if this guy who is interacting with you is worth your time.

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ABC News Shades the F*ck out of Black Women

Champagne Braswell

What really set me off was their tone deaf article title, “For many black women, Meghan Markle’s engagement offers ‘hope’"

Hope? Really? I’m not sure which offended I should be.  Should I interpret this as black women are in such dating despair that this one person’s engagement is our relationship drought savior? Or that black men are such disappointments that black women are praying for a white miracle to save them?

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Holiday Robberies: How a Single Gal Stays Safe

Champagne Braswell

In another instance, one person is a normal passerby who approaches your door unarmed posing as an innocent bystander while the other armed assailants are hiding out of sight waiting to pounce. As you see, people are becoming more clever in their tactics and unfortunately can cost us not only our holiday cheer but our lives. It is imperative that we take additional steps to secure our home safety and to ensure that this holiday season remains joyous and fun! In this post I will give you 5 ways to help add safety around the home and give you some piece of mind.

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How A Single Gal Stays Sane During the Holidays

Champagne Braswell

Be long winded and Honest- Don’t you hate those people who keep talking and talking, and you can’t get a word in edge wise? Then what do you do? Avoid them and certain topics because you don’t want to be caught up in that hurricane. Make sense right? Be that person! Be that long winded talker that makes people want to stay farrr away from the subject.  Tell them all the unexciting nuances of dating and use that Ben Stein voice to really drive it home.  Your boring story coupled with their recent ingestion of Tryptophan, will have them running away from.

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Should You Wait 90 Days Before Sex?

Champagne Braswell

90day2.jpg

Men hate this. They hate Steve Harvey for bringing it up and they hate women for adding this into their repertoire of “ways to torture men prior to putting out”.  Some men feel that it is because it shows you are playing games.  Some men think you are being stingy, aka, “what would happened if they waited 90 days before they spent money on you?”(Because women are all about money, I guess...)  Some feel that this isn’t an adequate way to really tell if he’s here for you. Some guys will play the role for 90 days and still leave.  Here’s my personal belief:  Guys don’t like it because they have to wait for something they want right now.  They have to put a little more effort to get it, when honestly they were just hoping for it within the first week or two. (some cocky guys say the first night. But you know, F**k them.)  I do agree with men on some of their viewpoints.  A man could play the role, take your goodies and run. However, in my years of research, hearing other stories, and understanding human emotions, is waiting a period of time really that bad?

 

How to Trick a Man into Commitment with Sex

Ha! Jokes on you, you can’t trick a man!  Maybe into a physical relationship but that’s about it.  I’ve learned you can’t trick a man into being with you.  Either he will want you or he doesn’t.  So if you are looking to hold the nookie over his head in hopes of a relationship, you will fail girlfriend.  You may be able to keep him entertained a bit longer, but you shouldn’t try to coerce a relationship.  Just doesn’t work.  There are times when you can give it up day 1 and if he really likes you then he may stay around longer.  Some men won’t care when you give it up. If he genuinely digs who you are, he will stay and that is great! The problem is the unknown factor.  If I give this up, will you still want me?  If I give this up, will the calls stop? If I give this up will you think I’m a h*e? All valid questions but since you can’t gauge whether he stays or goes, maybe there really isn’t a point in waiting.

 

 

Waiting to Bump Uglies isn’t for Him

Don’t look at waiting as a way to test if he’s legit or not.  (There are many other tests for that, believe you me!) Waiting to jump in the sack is for YOU.  You know how many chicks out here are screaming my baby daddy ain’t ish? Or, the many T.V. shows (like who The Bleep Did I Marry!) where chicks knew the guy for an hour, had a baby by him and he’s a mass murderer? Now, yes those instances are a little extreme, but just rock with me for a second. Sex, (specifically good sex) will cloud your judgment. Make you put up with things waaaayyyy longer than you wanted to. Make you turn a blind eye to certain flags because he made you hit that ‘Oh’.  What?!?!?  You didn’t see was that he really sucks when it comes to decision making?  What?!!?!? You didn’t see that his family members are horrible people? Take your time.  You find out things that will ultimately let you know his character and if he's a dude you even want to deal with. Women tend to love nice things being said but fail to ensure that the action should back up the words. When you take a second to really get to know the guy you met at the bar, you'll learn that he may not be the stand up fella that he portrayed on IG.  This dude initially told you he had a 3 bedroom house but since you made him wait, you’ve found out that he lives with his babymom’s who believes he is in a committed relationship with her. (Yikes!)

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We jump into bed way too quickly before we find out more about this person. Then after we make the mistakes, and find out who he truly is, who do we blame? HIM! True, he sucks, but the decision to allow him to enter our bodies (unless otherwise) is our choice.  We can’t keep sleeping with crappy dudes, who do crappy things, because of our crappy choices and throw the “men ain’t ish” feedback. When in actuality, had we sat our hot tails in some cold water (or called our emergency pipe layer over) we would have seen that he has no drive.  That he really isn’t active in his children’s lives.   That his personality is really unbearable.  That all those really weird things you peeped him doing was because he was really a serial killer.( Sorry men I keep coming back to that, but do ya’ll not read the news??) 

 

How Long Should I Wait?

I don’t have a set timeline for how long you should wait.  Obviously, there are caveats and variables that may make the whole situation different for each individual. What I’m getting at ladies is no man will ever say to you “Girl, don’t sleep with me. You know I ain’t schit.”  That just won’t happened. That’s like Trump admitting that he’s wrong, it’ll never happen.  Unlike the guys who are pressing you for sex, I recognize that women have more to think about when it comes to bedroom antics.  So take your time and do it when it feels right for YOU. If it’s 90 minutes, 90 hours, 90 days, 90 months, WHATEVER! Wait until you personally feel comfortable enough to let him in.  If he leaves, he leaves.  What’s for you is for you and no one can take it from you.  Don’t feel forced or pressured to give it up, because Lord knows it sucks to have a body on your count whom was truly not worth it.  

 

Listen to yourself ladies and follow your intuition. How long would you wait before you gave it up?

Managing Your Emotions is Crucial in Growth

Champagne Braswell

Too often we make big decisions off of our current emotions.  We jump to conclusions and it can cost us some big things. Relationships, friendships, jobs.  I remember my mother told me about a girl who was her ace, but they stopped talking suddenly.  Later she found out that during the conversation she had with my mother, the lady was offended because my mom laughed at something that maybe she shouldn’t have laughed at.  Instead of reaching out and saying, “Hey, it hurt my feelings when…” she instead just stop talking to her.  That’s it.

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Lessons from the Mindy Project: Are You Really in Love with Him or the Idea of Marriage?

Champagne Braswell

ome of you know some “good” guys right now. These are good guys who you just don’t have a connection with.  These are decent guys who will love you to death but you just aren’t that into them. Yet, because you think it’s better to have a good man that loves you more than you love him. With this thought process, you aren’t loving him the way that you would love him if he was your best friend or you had a stronger connection.  This to me is what settling is.  You aren’t excited about this man and though he will make a great partner, you are just basically using him for the marriage. You are using him so you won’t miss your chance for babies or your chance to be a wife.    My dear, no one wants to be used.

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Man Trolls  A Woman’s Prejudice Post and it’s Hilarious

Champagne Braswell

veryone has the right to be scared of anything. Dust, flies, bullets, whatever it is, you own it. However, it is unreasonable fears like this that have cost people decent humanity, respect, and at times, their lives.  It didn't seem like this man was taunting her, threatening her, or even menacing. She never expressed that he said anything to her or did anything else menacing other than just being behind her in the store on several occasions.

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4 Reasons Why Putting Your Business On Social Media Is Not The Thing To Do

Champagne Braswell

 People Never Forget-  Keke and her husband may wake up tomorrow and decide to work it all out. Now it’s too late.  She’ll want to move forward and get on with her life, but everyone who saw it will still bring it up more often than she will.  It’ll be 10 years later and people will still say “so you and your man still getting a divorce?” Messy a** people will say this at the most inconvenient times, like at your mother’s funeral. You know, rude schit like that.

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5 Ways To Kick Start Your Path to Self Improvement: Relationships

Champagne Braswell

1.     Listen to understand, not to rebut- When we participate in conversations with other people, it can be enjoyable.  But sometimes, we don't truly understand what they are saying to us.  We listen to parts and pieces but because we are ready to hurry up and be heard, we miss a lot of what they are saying.  You may even try to cut them off with your response, but because you are so focused on what you want to say next or trying to craft an “amazing” comeback, you may miss key points of the issue.  I know it might be a challenge, but sit still, clear your mind, and wait until they finish their whole thought.  It may explain what you were going to say or even answer your question entirely. Not to mention people will be happy that you sat and listened to their point of view.

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Single Gal's Guide to Culture: Bolivia

Champagne Braswell

Originally from Calfornia, Gisselle talked about being very connected with not only her Bolivian culture but the indigenous ancestry that makes up for almost 60 percent of Bolivian heritage.  Celebrations with family and friends as well as the style of dress are just a few things that make Gisselle so proud of her culture.  Matched with a desire to deepen her connection to her roots, Gisselle lived in Bolivia briefly, taking part in day to day Bolivian activities.  

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Why are you heerre?? With your Bagggs???:Why he just won’t leave you alone

Champagne Braswell

Why he just won’t leave you alone 

Sometimes I like to get a little smutty and watch love and hip hop. I mean I deal with real life all the time and sometimes I need a little messiness to remind me that it could be worse. On the other hand sometimes there are story lines that aren’t messy, but very relateable.  One of the more believable and less petty story lines was Tammy and Waka’s separation situation. 

Waka was on tour cheating with some scallywags and his wife put him out. (yass Tammy!) No, she hadn’t divorced him but she was making her point known.  This isn’t the first time Waka had cheated on a dime like Tammy but I’m assuming it was really bad this time. In efforts to try and make things right with Tammy because he knew he was wrong (Like most people who never thought they were wrong prior), he shows up to Tammy’s home with his bags.  Tammy was open to talks about getting back together, but just that; Talks.  Tammy opened the door and sees Waka with his bags, like he was about to do something.   She tells him to leave his bags at the door (go Tammy!) and then tells him he can come in for a little bit.  She goes to her very lavish kitchen (I’m straight hating!) and says to him my favorite line and what women want to ask men who keep coming back after they have screwed up;

“Why are you heerre?? With your Bagggs???

 

Tammy_LoveandHipHop

I guarantee you that many of us have had that man who keeps playing with our emotions and coming back with their “bags” (testicles, tee hee) trying to make it right. Shoot this isn’t his first or second time. This man is a habitual come backer.  It seems like his goal is to stop you from being great by going down memory lane and saying to let things go.  At this point you are 100% sure he doesn’t love you.  I mean if he did, would he mess up this many times? I mean, it’s a lot.  We are adults and even a child can learn a lesson, but you are telling me this grown a** man can’t? I call bullish Oprah.

So if he doesn’t truly love you and he doesn’t want to marry you, why is he wasting your time?

I have a few reasons, let’s talk gal.

Tammy2_LHHTL

 

  1. Because you keep allowing it-His relationship with ol girl didn’t work.  He’s hurting. D*ck's a little bummed out. He needs someone who knows him and who he is comfortable with, and baby you are on that list. What’s really bad is that you keep hoping for more so you keep accepting it.  He’s a creature of habit and as long as you keep accepting his habits, he’s going to keep coming back. It’s like feeding a bear. Once they have identified a food source, they keep coming back until there is an obstruction preventing it from eating there again. Don’t feed the bear.
  2. He’s comfortable- We touched on that a little bit but let me dive in deeper. Some people don’t like having to get to know someone new all over again.  You have to learn what they like and they have to learn what you like.  You have to learn someone’s body if you want to please them versus just a smash partner. They have grown accustomed to the way you handled things and when other people do it, it’s so foreign. For example, you may iron his socks after they are washed.  He thought it was asinine but was like “okay, cool.”  The new chick however just throws them in a drawer never to be paired again. (He hates that by the way) Then, there is you, my sweet friend.  You know what he likes. You know how to turn him on, what’s his favorite food, and how he likes to be treated in your everyday interactions.  It’s just that he doesn’t see you for long term romance due to some ungodly reason. They know you may not be the one but they know that you are decent enough for them to past the time until wifey gets here.  They will cuddle with you, watch T.V., do everything one would do in a relationship except marry you.
  3. You are easy- He doesn’t have to put in much work to get back with you. Ya’ll aren’t in the first stages of dating or getting to know each other. So he doesn’t have to bring out the representative or spend tons of money on dating. He knows how to put it down and he knows, you know how he puts it down. (you little nasty..I ain’t mad).  He knows that dudes out here aren’t make you climb the walls like he does, so all he has to do is buy you some grippos, a moon mist fay-go, and turn on Netflix. (I mean you do pay for it, so he’s gonna obviously use that too).

I’m sure there are many other reasons why he keeps coming back with his bags, can you think of any? Let’s sound off!

 

Single, 32 and Counting....

Champagne Braswell

But it wasn’t for a lack of trying. You see I had tried everything. Everything in the mo fo' sun.  I know you are thinking “nuh un, if you did you wouldn’t be single right now.” Now, that is partially true.  Let me clarify that I am not single because I’m deficient in something.(or so i'm told)  I’m single because it is just not my time.

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