2017 is coming to a fast close and some of us are still encountering guys who are wasting our time. The worst part is that some women are having an issue identifying if the guy that has approached them is someone that they should really invest time in. When I say “is he worth my time?” I’m not asking “is he marriage material”. That’s a whole different post and will come a bit letter. What I mean is, is this man who just approached me someone I should take time to get to know and invest my energy with? Many women fear putting time and energy into someone who is going to just waste it and leave you with less than what you came with. This is real fear and frankly I’ve been there a time or two. However, in dating you have to keep a few things in mind:
· Get to know someone first before you start going down the marriage thought process
· Just because it doesn’t lead to marriage doesn’t mean it was a “failed” relationship
· Some guys are not meant to be a husband but to teach you things from a dating aspect
· When you focus so much on marriage, you tend to put unnecessary pressure on yourself and him which can ultimately lead to the relationship disintegrating, even if it was in a very good place
Dating can be a fun and fulfilling action when you chose the right persons to do it with. Again, not talking about someone who is ready for marriage per se, but just someone who is looking for something more than “what that mouth do”. By identifying certain quirks ahead of time you can weed out more of the undesirables who aren’t looking for something steady, and find those who want something a bit more meaningful. Heck, not all women want marriage, but some just want a consistent and solid relationship.
Yet, when I look at the women complaining about the men they've dated and how much time was wasted on him, I can’t help but think “how are you surprised?” At times, us women are so desperate for a solid relationship that we tend to let words carry us away and forget all about the actions that should accompany those words. You have to know your worth, meaning understand the value you bring to the table and expect that from him as well. I get that everyone is different and situations may vary, but there are some pretty similar thoughts on how to tell if this guy who is interacting with you is worth your time.
His Approach is Mature- This is the easiest way to tell if he is worth my time. As soon as I get that inbox or I have that initial introduction, this is the first step in telling me if this guy can have my phone number. A man should approach you as a respectable human being, not some street meat truck. Regardless if you are wearing a habit or a thong and some pasties, how he approaches you will be respectful. (now if you are wearing pasties not sure if his intentions are completely honorable, but at least he can be respectful.) A man should greet you and introduce themselves first. He doesn’t mind letting you know his government name and wants to learn your name. He even starts off asking you questions about yourself because he’s interested in who you are as a person. This type of guy isn’t sending inbox messages like “WYD” or “Excuse me miss, I think you are beautiful and I know you probably got a fat a** p*sssy” (Was this a little much? Because this is a real life example, I won’t be lying to you guys here #notsorry).
He recognizes that the initial interaction with you is important and wants to put his best foot forward. Dating has gotten way lax, and that includes how guys are initially approaching women. I know many women are agreeing with me, but you also need to look at the women who are accepting this behavior. Guys aren’t doing this because they don’t know what to do, they are doing this because it works. Just think, if you ask someone for $500 and they just give it to you, what will you learn? You will learn that all you have to do is ask and you’ll get free money. Then you’ll just start asking for it and sometimes you will get it and sometimes you won’t. However, if it works 60% of the time, you’ve developed a new hustle.
His Conversation is engaging- When I say engaging, he can talk about multiple things and seeks your participation in the conversation as well. There have been times I’ve gone out on dates and the guy hasn’t really spoken about anything but himself or he’s so focus on my physical features that the conversation keeps going into the sex zone. It becomes a turn off because we often meet up with guys who we aren’t physically attracted to but he seems like a cool guy. Then when he starts talking about doing you doggy style it’s like, ‘ewwwwwwww, No.” The guy who is worth your time won’t want to run you off by making you feel uncomfortable, so he’s going to talk about many other things, not just sex.
He’s not focused solely on the physical aspect of your body. He’s not only caring about when he can hit the sheets. He is just enjoying being in the moment and whatever happens, happens, but he’s in no way pressed for it to go that far. Sometimes guys will test the water and throw out some sexual suggestive conversations. (Oh hush ladies, ya’ll know we throw out some test too!) If you want to discuss it, that’s fine but do not become upset if he enjoys just focusing on that aspect of the conversation. I recommend to just lightly touch on it and then move on to another topic. That way you can gauge to see if he’s really pressed about it, but mainly span out those details over a series of conversations. No need to get it all out right away, unless that’s what you want to do.
He is consistent- This is key to any thing in life. Consistency is basically being regular or steady. Some guys will play this game I like to call “Going Ghost”. These are your crème de la crème guys. They have great jobs, great personalities, and great bedroom game. However, these guys will pop up in your life very ready to hang out and get those goodies, then go ghosts for days, weeks, and even months. Then they come right back telling you nice things buying you lovely jewelry, apologizing for letting life get away from them and repeating the same situation over again.
This leaves you hoping for more and waiting while passing up other better suited men who actually want to spend time with you. I know it’s hard to find that perfect guy which is why ya’ll hold on to this one, but this guy is the worse because he doesn’t value your time. His ability to pop in and out at will leaves you begging for more when it’s not really his intention to give you more. If he’s truly busy, then friendship is fine until he can create that consistency (he can’t), but just think ladies: How long does it take to send a text? Not long, not long at all.
These are just a few starting points that we should be peeping before we begin investing tons of time in to these potential suitors.
Sound off ladies! How do you tell if he is worth your time?