How to Tell if He is Worth Your Time?

Okay, you just met a guy who swept you off your feet, but now you are wondering if he is worth your time?

You may be thinking this for two reasons:

Either you are over 30 and feel that you have no time to waste

You've been hurt a few times and don't want to get hurt again.

We may be getting older and expecting our counterparts to do the same but some of us are still encountering guys who are wasting our time. The worst part is that some women are having an issue identifying if the guy that has approached them is someone that they should invest time with. 

When I say “is he worth my time?” I’m not asking “is he marriage material.” That’s a whole different post and will come to a bit later. What am I saying is, how can you tell if the man who just approached you, someone you should take time to get to know and invest your energy into?

 Many women fear giving time and energy into someone who is going to waste it and leave you with less than what you came with. The fear of having your time wasted is a real fear, and frankly, I’ve been there a time or two. However, in dating you have to keep a few things in mind:

·   Get to know someone first before you start going down the marriage thought process

·   Just because it doesn’t lead to marriage doesn’t mean it was a “failed” relationship

·   Some guys are not meant to be a husband but to teach you things from a dating aspect

·   When you focus so much on marriage, you tend to put unnecessary pressure on yourself and him which can ultimately lead to the relationship disintegrating, even if it was in a perfect place

Boyfriend material is subjective, so what you may think is a good boyfriend may be different from other's opinions. However, when it comes to valuing your time, there are common traits that many suitors should and will have.

Read: 31 Red Flags That A Guys is Not Worth Your Time


Dating can be a fun and fulfilling action when you chose the right person to do it with. Again, not talking about someone who is ready for marriage per se, but just someone who is looking for something more than “what that mouth do.” By identifying specific quirks ahead of time, you can weed out more of the undesirables who aren’t looking for something steady and find those who want something a bit more meaningful. Heck, not all women want marriage, but some want a consistent and stable relationship with a man who values their time.

When I look at the women complaining about the men they've dated and how much time they wasted on the "loser," I can’t help but think “how are you surprised?” At times, we women are so desperate for a stable relationship that we tend to let words carry us away and forget all about the actions that should accompany those words. 

You have to know your worth, meaning understand the value you bring to the table and expect that from him as well. I get that everyone is different, and situations may vary, but there are some pretty similar thoughts on how to tell if this guy who is interacting with you is worth your time.

How To Tell If He Is Worth Your Time

Photo by Tierra Benton on Unsplash.jpg

Photo by Tierra Benton on Unsplash.jpg

His Approach is Mature

These steps are the easiest way to tell if he is worth my time. As soon as I receive an inbox or an initial introduction, this is the first step in telling me if this guy can have my phone number. A man should approach you as a respectable human being, not like some street meat. Regardless if you are wearing a habit or a thong and some pasties, how he approaches you will be respectful. (now if you are wearing pasties not sure if his intentions are entirely honorable, but at least he can be respectful.) 

A man should greet you and introduce themselves first. He doesn’t mind letting you know his government name and wants to learn your name. He even starts off by asking you questions about yourself because he’s interested in who you are as a person. This type of guy isn’t sending inbox messages like “WYD” or “Excuse me miss, I think you are beautiful, and I know you probably got a fat ass  pussy” (Was this a little much? Because this is a real life example, I won’t be lying to you gals here #notsorry).

He recognizes that the initial interaction with you is essential and wants to put his best foot forward. Dating has become way too lax, and that includes how guys are initially approaching women. I know many women may not agree with me, but you also need to look at the women who are accepting this behavior. 

 Guys aren’t using shitty approaches because they don’t know what to do, they are doing this because it works. When they initially meet you, they don't automatically think you are worth it. Just like you, they have options and sometimes it is a numbers game for them. Some will throw a proverbial net out and see what ladies they can catch who do not value their time. Once they identified these ladies, they may give a half-ass effort because she didn't appreciate her time enough to tell him to step off with his crappy approach.

Just think, if you ask someone for $500, and they give it to you, what will you learn? You will discover that all you have to do is ask and you’ll get free money. Then you’ll start asking for it, and sometimes you will get it and sometimes you won’t. However, if it works 60% of the time, you’ve developed a new hustle.  

The point is, if you don't accept shit up front, he is going to either say, "Okay, she's not like the other chicks, I'll have to step it up a notch," or he'll say "Nah she's not worth the effort, I'm going to have to try someone else". Either way, you've weeded out the lazy daters. 

Read:10 Ways You Can Tell In The Very Beginning If He’s Worth Dating

His Conversation is Engaging

Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash.jpg

Photo by Tamarcus Brown on Unsplash.jpg

When I say engaging, I mean he can talk about multiple things and seeks your participation in the conversation as well. There have been times I’ve gone out on dates, and the guy hasn’t spoken about anything but himself, or he's so focused on my physical features that the conversation keeps going into the sex zone. 

It becomes a turn off because we often meet up with guys who we aren’t physically attracted to but seems like a cool guy to get to know. Then when he starts talking about doing you doggy style, it’s like, ‘Ewwwwwwww, No.” The guy who is worth your time won’t want to run you off by making you feel uncomfortable, so he’s going to talk about many other things, not just sex.

He’s not focused solely on the physical aspect of your body. He’s not only caring about when he can do to you in the sheets. He is just enjoying being in the moment and whatever happens, happens, but he is in no way pressed for it to go that far. 

Sometimes guys will test the water and throw out some sexually suggestive conversations. (Oh hush ladies, ya’ll know we throw out some test too!) If you want to discuss it, that’s fine but do not become upset if he enjoys focusing on that aspect of the conversation. I recommend to just lightly touch on it and then move on to another topic. That way you can gauge to see if he’s pressed about it, but mainly span out those details over a series of conversations. No need to get the sex talk out right away unless that’s what you want to do.

He is consistent

Being consistent is key to anything in life. Consistency is being regular or steady. Some guys will play this game I like to call “Going Ghost.”  Some of these men are your crème de la crème guys. They have great jobs, great personalities, and excellent bedroom game. However, these guys will pop up in your life very ready to hang out and get those goodies, then go ghosts for days, weeks, and even months. Then they come right back telling you beautiful things, buying you lovely jewelry, apologizing for letting life get away from them and repeating the same situation over and over again.

His ghost antics leave you hoping for more and waiting while passing up other better-suited men who want to spend time with you. I know it’s hard to find that perfect guy which is why ya’ll hold on to this one, but this guy is the worse because he doesn’t value your time. His ability to pop in and out at will leaves you begging for more when it’s not his intention to give you more. If he is genuinely swamped, then friendship is excellent until he can create that consistency (he can’t), but think ladies: How long does it take to send a text? Not long, not long at all.

These are just a few starting points that we should be peeping before we begin investing tons of time into these potential suitors.

Sound off, ladies! How do you tell if he is worth your time?


Being Single Doesn't Have To Suck

Stop Hating Being Single and Embrace It!