I have to admit, just like many women out here, I just knew I would be married with 2.4 kids by now. I was to have the house (got that), a good paying job(it is), my degree (got several), and a wonderful family at home. (still in progress).
But it wasn’t for a lack of trying. You see I had tried everything. Everything in the mo fo' sun. I know you are thinking “nuh un, if you did you wouldn’t be single right now.” Now, that is partially true. Let me clarify that I am not single because I’m deficient in something.(or so i'm told) I’m single because it is just not my time. Back in the days I use to be the chick that said there weren’t any good men. This was my view because I couldn't get into a good, solid relationship. But that was far from the truth. There are plenty of good men out here, but unfortunately good doesn’t equate to the “right one.” My dating history is very colorful as I do not discriminate. I’ve dated rich guys, broke guys, bad credit, good credit, no kids, 50 kids, etc., etc., etc. After going so hard in the paint prior to my 30s I was able to sit back and analyze the age old question of why I was not married.
Reasons Why I am Not Married
1. No Chemistry- I was told that chemistry could grow, if you give it a chance. I would differ to say that you don’t really grow it, but there is already something there. It just later grows into a romance. Sometimes you don’t have a romantic chemistry, but you just have a “okay, he’s not that bad” chemistry. This is basically he's not cute, he's not ugly, and he's to interact with. If you say that, then it can grow to something more if it is nurtured accordingly. On the flip side I was going out on dates and wasn’t even catching their jokes and vice versa.(it was painful as f*ck ya'll) Or the dates went well because my “representative” was present but based on the interaction I know if the real me was there they would have been turned off.
2. Goals/Morals were off…Like seriously wayyy off- Sometimes you guys don’t have the similar major views or goals as each other and that’s not okay unless someone is willing to change them. The key is that they must be willing to change their goals/morals because they want to change them. If someone changes because of you and not because of self, it’s harder to maintain because they really didn’t want the change, they wanted you. Wants that fascination wears off (and it will) it's a high chance they'll go back to their original processes. Perhaps their overall morals don’t line up with yours. Morals are the codes that we use to live our life by. Whether it's religious, spiritual, or their own set. Everyone has their own morals but sometimes it just won't align with yours and that can be tough. I know a guy who is an amazing guy and at one point of time I could have saw myself with him. However upon learning that his criteria in life will require him to have the ability to sleep with other women while being married. I would say it worked out for the best that I didn't keep chasing that dream.
3.Timing-Jesus, Mary, Joseph, if this isn't the story of my life. I have come across a few men that I completely connected with and thought they could be the one. However, there were several circumstances surrounding them that made it unreasonable or just unlikely that a relationship would form. Perhaps they were moving away for work and can't do long distance relationships. Or maybe they got out of a crappy relationship and aren't ready to go down that path for a long time. One may say that this means that these people aren't the ones for you and that may be. But it still hurts like heck when you lose a potential good mate.
Then it happened. I turned 30 but things hadn't changed overall. I didn't lose my uterus. My world didn't come crashing down. I was just 30 and single. That year I took inventory of my life and where I was mentally. I wasn't in a poor position but I felt like I could be doing more. You see, I held things off because I felt like I wanted to wait until I got a boyfriend (or even better a husband). I would think "let me wait until I get a man and we can do this together!" I was trying to go for that whole "let's speak it into existence" thing. But time waits for no woman. I saw several friends near and far lose their lives from illness or other accidents. I didn't want to leave this world with regrets because I never traveled or never owned my own home, or not taking chances. I stopped putting so much emphasis on dating and started focusing on enriching my life with knowledge and experiences.
I'm still open for Mr. Right as I know when it is time, it'll happen. Until then I'm still single, 32, andnow, exploring.