I’m not going to lie to you, there were times when I was single and lonely. I felt as though something was wrong with me. Just imagine leaving high school and one of the biggest things a young woman looks forward to is getting married and having kids. (Looking back at the amount of sleep that I cherished, I have no idea why I would want to end that so soon.) However, I figured I had time to focus on me, which I did. I had a couple relationships, dated and traveled but that husband and child still eluded me.
I started getting those single people questions and pressures from family and friends. “When are you going to settle down?” or “Don’t let time get away” and every other question to make you feel single and alone. Eventually my sister girlfriend was engaged and having her last child, while my best friend actually got married. Now I’m starting to look at myself and think “Girl what is wrong with you?”
I wasn't that single lonely woman that complained about dating and never did anything about it. I dated all kinds of guys for the sake of dating. Some were weird as f**k, some were nice but just moved quicker than I could, and the ones I wanted didn’t seem to want what I wanted. So now you are in this conundrum, where you have to question you wants and needs. What do you settle for? What do you give up and sacrifice just so you can not enter your 30s and be a single sally?
In actuality my standards weren’t even high. They were a low-medium at best. At first it was just that you needed a pulse. Then I upgraded to you need a pulse and your own car. Finally, I got to pulse, own car/crib, job that supports you and you alone(and your kids if you have them), a good person, and someone I could mentally connect with. I set up little rules like “I’m not going to do this until I get a man” and other things that I put out into the universe hoping to cheat destiny by pretending that I didn’t want a man, but in actuality I did. I was putting so much stress on myself and listening to others so much that I was unhappy.
I didn’t like dating because I knew that most of the time the dates would be a drag and I wouldn't be interested in the guy. I started going out on more dates and bringing the men that I dated around my friends to see if maybe it was something wrong that I was doing. It resulted in more of my friends clowning who I dated because they knew who I was, and they knew that man wasn't for me. I went from being tired of being single to being tired of wasting my time. I had to make a change in my attitude because obviously my circumstances were not changing as soon as I had hoped they would.
Eventually I learned the being single wasn't a burden or a stigma. I could truly enjoy being single if I did it the right way. You ask, what changed? I began meeting other women who were single just like me but wasn't spending their every waking moment trying to settle down. They wanted it of course, but it was a priority. Living life was their priority. I eventually met another single friend who was having single issues herself. Which was odd to me because she's drop dead gorgeous. Like, super model fine! I remember thinking "Wow, this girl is having issues getting married?!?" I met her through her brother and she became my road dog. We went to Vegas and had a ball! Mainly things I can’t really talk about, but nevertheless, it was a blast. We went to Chicago, Jamaica, and it finally started to hit me.
I waited so long to do things that I wanted to do, because I was trying to get something that wasn’t for me at that time. I had become so tunnel focus in dating and marriage, that I was letting time get away from me. I may never get married, but it would be worse if I never did anything of substance with my life. I became more comfortable with being single and started building my empire and before you knew it, Single Gal Guide came along. I stopped worrying about what others wanted or what society expected of me and started putting that energy into being productive and uniting my other single sisters around the world.
Being single is not a disease at any age. You have to stop worrying about what others think and care about what you think. No one is living your life and no one is paying your bills. You must do what is best for you and if that means you have to stop dating for a bit to rediscover yourself, by all means do it. People want you to be ashamed of being single because they don't have the confidence that you do, it makes them feel better to lord things over other people, or their fear of the future is projected on to you.
Don't believe the hype sis, embrace being single. Learn and grow from it.
What is one thing you like about being single?