Why Are You Still Single?
You've sat in the mirror, staring at yourself in the eyes, letting that solitary tear roll down your face. (You know that one tear that regularly escapes because you are extra dramatic with yourself?) You've tried to be strong and independent, but you can't help but to ask yourself, why are you still single?
I mean you fit all the eligible bachelorette boxes right? You look good. (Check) You have a good job. (Check-Check). You are even really supportive of the men in your life. (Chiggedy Check-Check). But what is stopping you from being snatched up out here?!?!?
I hate these types of generic blog posts, as there is no real scientific reason as to why you are single. Many times, it isn't that you can't get a man, it's just that the timing isn't right. There are periods and seasons of growth and change that we must endure in life. Sometimes we confuse the people we meet in those periods for our "Mr. Right." Then when we go down this path of love and relationships, the relationship ends, and we think, what did I do? And honestly, sometimes it isn't what you did, its what was supposed to happen.
However, I would be doing a horrible disservice to the world of dating if I don't admit that at times, YOU may be the reason why you aren't in a relationship yet. What's for you will come to you, but there are times where we don't even shoot our shots because we are hung up on our issues, social norms, or outside factors that prevent us from ending our singleness.
Being single is great, but having a relationship is great too! Some of you ladies out here genuinely want a relationship and aren't all about the She-Ra-Sis-Boom-Bah single life lovers' chants. And ladies, that is okay. It's okay also to sit back and reflect on what you can do to make yourself a more attractive partner. Sometimes there are things we need to work on to be better mates, daters, or women period. We aren't all born already knowing how to be a good partner in a relationship. Sometimes you have to invest time into yourself to see what is stopping you from being great.
7 Reasons Why You Are Still Single
1. You Lack Self Confidence
Women we love a confident man, and here's a shocker many men love a confident woman. They like a woman that can walk into a room of other women and not feel threatened. If he admires beauty in another woman, you aren't so insecure that you aren't threatened by this or are you promising to break his arms if you catch him even liking another woman's pictures on social media. When you go out, you have to be constantly reassured that you are beautiful or you look good and if he doesn't say it in a way that YOU want him to say it, you will break down and cry your eyeballs out. You gotta tighten up hun, this is a major turn off and can drive a lot of men away. (especially the good, loyal ones).
2. Your Social Skills Need Work
Can you have a conversation with a man without it solely being about how much money he makes or all about you? Yes, finances are necessary, but that shouldn't be the bulk of your conversation, on the first date. It comes off like you are just in it for the money and that can deter him from seeing a lifelong commitment with you and placing you in the booty call file. If your conversation is always about you and what you like, you may come off a little selfish and lack depth. Or maybe you come off as really strange in the things that you say off rip. I've heard plenty of guys who were turned off because the conversation kept getting weird. Not in a sexy weird way, but a weird, weird way. (One girl kept talking about how she liked her dog and that he licks toes.) Sometimes too much weirdness on the first date can be a bit much. Beauty is, but that is what will get him in the door, it is not what will keep him intrigued.
3. You are a lazy dater
I know you are like "women are lazy daters? What?!??!" but yes we can be. Lazy daters always wait for him to text, every single time. You never reach out to him, you rely on him contacting you to initiate the conversation, and it is possible that if he didn't reach out first, you guys would never have any type of communication. (If that's the case, it sounds like you really aren't that into him.) You never call him, and you only text short responses like "yep," or "nope." When it comes to going out, you have no input or no idea where you want to go or what you want to do. Frankly, after reading this paragraph, it just seems like you aren't that interested in him and he will get that vibe even if you are interested in him.
4. You aren't open to others or new ideas
You always have a reason why you think it's not going to work out. (You knew a friend who saw a friend that had a man like that, that's why it won't work with you.) He likes to bungie jump, and that's not what you like. Or, he wants to take you to a concert on the first date instead of the traditional boring dinner, and that's a major turn off. (rolling my eyes over here.) You read on his dating profile that he hates needy women and you took offense to that statement even though it has nothing to do with you. Some of us already know that we don't want to date a specific guy because of whatever reason. (The reason could be petty.) So we go on a date with a preconceived notion that the date will suck and guess what happens? The date actually sucks! Not really because of him per se, but because you already spoke it into existence and the universe is just giving you what you asked for. Instead of trying something new at least once, you just shut him down and write him off.
5. You haven't healed from your previous trauma(s)
Whether that's abuse, violence, death, or just a crazy breakup, if you haven't gotten over the issues in the past, it is going to be hard for you to be comfortable in a relationship. You will feel like all men cheat, or are abusive, or assault women. You will carry that thought process into your relationship and use that as a way to live, but in reality, the guy you are with is having a hard time trying to work with you, even if he likes you. He's trying to break down the walls, but it's exhausting. You have this idea that if he truly loves you, he'll stay there and break down every door like a white knight, and some guys will. However, don't be offended if a good guy decides to bow out. Just like women, men have their breaking points as well.
6. You have a shitty attitude
MANNN I CAN'T STAND THESE TYPE OF WOMEN. (Sorry y'all this is my pet peeve.) Just attitudes for no reason. Stank for no reason. I know that as a female, I can't stand this from other women, so why the hell would you believe that a man wants to put up with this shiggedy? I get having an attitude here and there, that's life. But continuously for no good reason? A screwed up attitude is not only unattractive for a relationship, but it is unattractive overall. I know you think it's cute or "that's just me" but that's also keeping you from being in a good, stable, relationship.
7. You do too much too soon
You are so eager to hurry up and be in a relationship, that you are cleaning this man's house, cooking for him, giving him all the sex tricks and it's just month 1 of dating. If you pull out everything now, why would he move forward? Why would he want to commit? Dial it back a bit. Don't be so quick to give him everything especially if he's done nothing to deserve it.
There are many reasons out here, but I chose to cover these seven reasons why you are single today. So ladies sound off, why do you think you are single?