What To Do When I Feel Lonely
Being single can feel incredibly lonely at times. Especially if you aren't ready to get back into the world of dating.
Single life has its ups, and for many of us who want a relationship badly, the experience has its downs. I remember being so lonely at times that I just knew it was going to last forever and I would be forever listening to the sound of my tears. ( Super poetic right?) Or when I would attend a party and all the people, there were boo'd up, and I was stuck wondering when would this single shaming party. (Yep, I felt that petty at the time.)
But they weren't single shaming me; I was just lonely. I got tired of spending Friday nights with East of Chicago pizza and a bottle of wine. (My nutrition was lacking.) My break up was bad for me because I wasn't in a bad relationship. It was pretty okay until the end, but that's a whole other story.
I was accustomed to spending my evenings watching t.v and talking about any and everything. Or wanting to impress my former boyfriend with a new recipe, so I would use all the good plates and go all out. And the sex! Man oh man, having sex with someone you have deep feelings for makes it ten times better. It's genuinely a drug with a lasting high and a significant addiction.
The relationship ended before I was ready to let go. Which meant I had to give him up and everything else I loved about being in a relationship, cold turkey. I had trouble sleeping because the way we broke up kept running through my head over and over again. I kept wondering how many chicks he was smashing and assumed he was probably smashing them all while he was with me, breaking my heart even more.
I didn't have an appetite, and I cried all the time. There were days when I couldn't wait to run home to cry while watching some man-hating-we-don't-need-ya'lls-dusty-asses movie about being better off and survivors.
And I won't lie, it helped.....well, that and time. After I mourned my relationship, I started reacclimating myself into society.
I started going out with friends and family a bit more. Seeing the love between my friends and their spouses would almost send me back down that spiral of "Oh God, I'm single again", but I managed to pull it together and support their unions because I still believed that one day I would find someone who loved me just as much as their husbands loved them. (Even though I was still reeling from my breakup.)
I later moved into the loneliness phased. I missed dinner dates and cuddling. I missed being held at night and the great conversation that came along with it. Plus sex, I definitely missed the sex. That's when I thought the next natural step was to start dating. I joined E-Harmony and even went for a paid membership. I had one guy who clicked on my profile. We had talked on the phone a time or two before we went out, but I was still in the healing stage, I wasn't ready for a relationship at all. I wasn't impressed with the conversation, and upon meeting him, I wasn't impressed with him. It wasn't his fault; I just wasn't ready to let go and move on emotionally.
I ended up losing interest and turned into an accidental serial dater. Let's not confuse serial dating with sleeping with multiple guys, ya'll know I'm all about waiting. In serial dating, you go out, have fun and enjoy each others company. When I felt like it was going towards the sex route I lost interest in them, mainly because I wasn't ready for that, especially after only two dates. I finally realized, that I just wasn't prepared to date, but I was still lonely. I had to come up with something to feel that void or I would surely go crazy.
What To Do When You Are Lonely
1. I Started A Hobby
I knew I wasn't the only out here who had their heart broken. People get their heart broken every day B. However, I knew that I had to release this pent-up hurt. I ended up starting a blog and writing about how I felt. I shared the nuances, that pains, the agony that I was going through and after a while I began to feel less lonely. Others started commenting on my blog, telling me they understood me. Sharing with me their horror stories of being in shitty relationships and unfaithful partners. I was able to reach people who pulled me out of my funk so that I could get back on the happy horse. The hobby turned into something that I love to do and teach others how to do it.
2. I Started Learning New Things
I knew what kept me up at night was continually replaying the last moments of my relationship and my ex's imaginary screwfest with tons of women before, during, and after our relationship. My mind kept running all through the night, and I could only sleep about 2 hours max. Since I was up, I internet surfed, and after I got my fill of internet porn, I discovered this fantastic wealth of knowledge called Wikipedia. I couldn't understand why teachers in college didn't allow us to use this, and I mean...man! It knows everything! I would start with a random subject, that led to another topic that was so unbelievable that I did more research outside of Wikipedia to confirm that that information was correct. (M*A*S*H had a character named Spearchucker Jones, check it, man.) But although some of it was unnecessary information, (which is still great for parties) the rest of my searches led me to broaden my horizons and to learn about other critical areas of life like stocks, finances, how to repair my credit, how to buy a house, etc. The more I learned, the more I expanded my thought process.
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3. I joined people meetup groups
I can't tell you how we got to this point or what I was feeling, but I knew that I was in the house way too much for a 20 something-year-old. I knew that time would pass me by quickly and I didn't want to waste it being sad and missing my relationship. I had to kick my ass into gear. I started looking for groups in Columbus who did things together or had outings. Many of the clubs I searched for were pretty expensive, and I couldn't afford it. I was looking for a Champagne club with Budweiser prices. That's when I stumbled upon Columbus Young Professionals. That first year I went to their High Ball Halloween event and met some awesome people in different places. I kept in touch with many of those people and learned so much just by interacting with them. I am still a part of the group which has since expanded to more social outings, business development, and volunteer work. You can also use sites such as Meetup.com to find groups that share similar interest near your city.
Being lonely can get to you, and these tips will not absolve it instantly, but it's a great idea on how you can help with your loneliness without moving into dating before you are ready.