Dating 101: Top 3 "Good Guys" To Watch Out For
I had an amazing event this past weekend! It was my Single Gal Sip and Spin event. I was so happy to meet ladies of all relationship statuses, because all the ladies were single ladies at one point in time. (Did you see what I did there?)
I even met some newly single women who I welcomed with open arms. It's one thing to just stay single, but to be in a marriage/relationship and then to move back to singledom, well, it can be a bit rough. You are accustomed to having two heads instead of one. You are used to always having someone in your life that you have to think about. Furthermore, you don't have to date which is a perk of being in a relationship.
Now that you are no longer coupled, you have to get reacclimated to a lot of new single life things, one of them is the dating scene. If you have been out of the scene for a while, there have been some....*ahem*..slight changes. There are always changes in social dating, but being out of the loop can be tough! Especially if you go out and become a wide-eyed-bushy-tailed single woman who believe that this dating thing is "finna be a breeze". (This means that you think it will be easy, but it will not.)
Don't get me wrong there are women who will go out and find a great guy to date right away! (Yay you!) But for most of you newly single women, you will have to swim through the same cloudy dating pool as some of our veteran single gals.
To help kick start your journey, these are some of the guys you should probably steer clear from or at least be able to see through their facade. You are going into dating war and there are some guys who will pounce on your readiness to be in a relationship even though they appear to be a upstanding guy.
Top 3 "Good Guys" To Watch For
1. The Bait and Switcher Guy
You are back in the game and you may be thinking "I'm not ready to date." Cool! Take your time, heal, do what feels right! You see a guy who jumps into your DMs and you roll your eyes because you have already stated this to multiple guys and on your Facebook/Twitter/Instagram page that you aren't looking to date. (Why is that hard to get?)
So for shit's and giggles you decided to read what he has to say and he responds "Hey I notice you are a small business owner. I'm into web designing and I know it can be tough running your own business." (Shame on you for thinking all men just want to get into your pants!)
He noticed that you both had a mutual interest and wanted to reach out and connect. You start to engage this guy and realize that he has a super cool demeanor! He isn't on the sex tip, and because of your focus and the way his Facebook page is set up, you feel that he's a good person to network with. You aren't really interested in the guy but based on his conversation he has some helpful tips that you would be interested in.
He says you guys should meet and you agree because you have more questions about web design. You meet up and start to initially talk about designing web sites. Buuutt then you start to get the feeling that he isn't interested in business talk because he keeps complimenting you on your looks, your hair, or the way that you dress. Then the other shoe drops. He wants to take you out and date. Now he's texting you daily (which is not website related) and expressing how much he wants to be with you. At this point, you think "I've made a big mistake."
In marketing terms, this is called a Bait and Switch. He knows that you don't want to date or that you wouldn't normally be attracted to a guy like him. So he approached you with something that you would be interested in, and once he is able to get you alone, tries to sell himself romantically. His hope is that if he can sell himself to you on this outing it will turn into something more. (Sounds a little slimy IMHO) Sometimes it may work, if you were attracted to this guy initially. But if you aren't interested, I would let that be known on the first date. Save you guys both time and money.
2. The "Single" But Not Single Guy
This guy is a very attractive guy that catches your eye. His conversation is engaging and he appears to be someone you would like to date. One problem, he doesn't want to meet you in public and wants the first date to be at your home. (Note: Never meet the guy in his home first. You don't know him from Adam, nor what harm or damage he could do.)
He contacts you throughout the day and mysteriously is never available in the evening. And when he is, he is trying to come over to your home to see you. He doesn't want to go out in public on dates because he doesn't have the money to spend on expensive dates,(yeah right) and if you offer to pay he'll come up with another reason why he can't meet you but insist to come over. (He think he slick)
When you finally do go out, it's to a place that's in a obscure area. Why is he doing this? Because he's really not single. He may be kinda single but not all the way single. What's kinda single? It can fall into some of the following categories:
- Going through a divorce or separated
- He has a girlfriend but wants a side chick in the process (him and his girl sometimes fall out with each other and he needs backup)
- He is in a Situationship (i.e. he does everything with a girl but doesn't give her an official title)
- Or he is dating someone that he is really interested in for a long term commitment but still wants to have fun in the meanwhile (He doesn't want to mess up his chances with her, so he keeps you on the low.)
He isn't looking for something substantial with you and if you aren't, cool! But do your research, sometimes an angry wife/girlfriend can get a hold of his phone and cause you some real life trouble.
3. Mr.Waste Your Time
This guy is amazing on paper! He's not bad looking, has a good job, and just seems to be the knight in shining armor you are looking for. He loves to send you texts in the morning calling you "Queen" and "Hello Beautiful". Or he'll send you texts asking about your day and how he would love to see you.
At first this is cool! You are so happy to find a guy who wants to contact you and interact with you. Then a few weeks have passed and you realized he hasn't called you nor has he asked you out. He says he wants to see you but he never makes a move to do it. You ask him about it, and he gives some excuse about being busy with work, school, kids, Nerf gun fights, etc, but you can't help to think, didn't you spend 3 hours on Facebook live doing a comparison of sea turtles?
At this point, you think that he's a little shy, and maybe you should ask him about going out and calling him. After all it is 2018, and you are an independent woman right? If you see something you like, why not take action!
So you take initiative to set up dates, but he still for some reason cannot make them! He forgot, or over slept, or something came up. Each. And. Every. Time. At this point those "Good Morning Beautiful" texts become worthless. You start looking at this dude like he's lame as hell, and what is his purpose? Who just texts things like, "If I asked you, would you let me take you out?" What are you 16?!?!? What part of the "how to be a lame guy" is this? The bad part is I don't know if these guys are just socially awkward or are just bored. Whatever the reason, they are wasting your time and we are not here for that.
Have you met any of these guys? Name a type of dater we need to watch otu