The Effects Of Sexual Assault And Domestic Violence Doesn't Have A Time Limit
Within the past 24 hours news of Bill Cosby's guilty verdict and Kelis' accusations of domestic abuse from her ex husband, Nas, has flooded the internet. From cries of joy to comments of foul play, as usual the internet has no problem expressing its opinions.
I love to go through the comment sections because it allows you to see many people's true feelings. The internet is a way for people to express themselves with the least amount of repercussion (unless otherwise). Everyone is an expert and feel they are delivering profound thoughts on everyone's situation. Heck, even I am guilty of it!
I have seen many men and women who were in favor of Bill Cosby's guilty verdict, while Kelis on the other had hasn't been met with open arms regarding her revelations. Stories of her requiring more child support and the thought that she's "trying to live off of Nas" have people questioning her motives. Why now? Is it because she is broke?
Here were some of the comments that I viewed during my online browsing:
"She pathetic anyway, as soon as he received the 40 million from invest money she took him to court the next day and now she bashing him. Why wasn't the beating in the divorce?"
"i don't believe her. I've been beaten by my ex husband and I have proof. My kids are my proof too. These days you can't accuse without receipts"
"Women need to stop this! It happened 10 years ago! Kelis you ain't had a song since Milkshake! You need attention that bad!?!"
In the age of the #METOO movement, you have many women coming forward with accusations of abuse or sexual assault that happened years ago. Which is truly unfortunate, especially when you look at the reasons why they didn't come out right away. Many would have been blackballed from moving up in their job fields (be it corporations or the entertainment industry).
People couldn't possibly believe that men could be predators and that women are liars because of the good ol' "boys club" mentality. Some have accused the women of being liars because they aren't pretty enough to have been assaulted and in turn become the butt of jokes.
For many centuries women's bodies were not viewed as their own. Men were allowed to abuse and assault them and it was either swept under the rug or she was the cause of why it happened. It hasn't been until the recent 10-20 years that violence and sexual assault against women has been seen as a huge issue. Can you imagine if your grandmothers were to recall the assault they endured from during their time?
My grandmother was always vocal about the molestation she faced when she was a young girl. Her family just swept it under the rug and her mother chose to have a man in her life rather than to heal her daughter. However, her mother had her at the age of 13 and was in the same cycle of abuse. What was the point of making a fuss if no one was going to save you? If no one was going to help you?
Flash forward 50 years later and women are now able to come forward when they have been assaulted and for the most part, have their abusers addressed. Unfortunately, so many of our mothers and grandmothers didn't have that chance to share their stories. And for some, this is now their time to be heard.
People complain why did they wait so long, when the question should really be why did we wait so long to care? No matter when the pain happened, it never goes away. I hate that people say "you should have kept it to yourself", which is saying the victims should continue to be silent.
Can you imagine telling someone who lost their child to murder and share their stories later, why are you still talking about it? Why are you now choosing to say something about it?
I won't be obtuse. I do recognize there are women out there who have lied against men in order to get revenge or some type of benefit. There have been men that have suffered by the evil antics of vengeful women who in actuality, make it harder for the actual victims. I do NOT support these women and they should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. This is something we must keep in mind as well because sometimes we hear someone shout abuse and we automatically jump on her train.
It is a tricky situation and a hard one to maneuver. I don't know what happened between Kelis and Nas and I won't try to speculate. But if there is anything we can learn from her experience is to speak up as soon as it happens ladies. Don't wait for those scars to heal. As soon as you experience violence, get the authorities involved.
Make sure to document these acts as they happen and save them in a place that your close family can get to in case something happens to you. The difference between our grandmothers and mothers time period and ours is that we have so many ways and video options for us to document the abuse.
Too many of us are sitting with our scars and unfortunately many will not give you sympathy because you didn't react within their timing. I personally don't care about their sympathy, as I care more about your well being. We know why we keep it secret and hidden. We are afraid that no one will believe us. We are afraid that it will get worse. We are afraid that we caused the bad deed to happen to us.
I will tell you that you know what is right and what is wrong. Don't be concerned if people don't believe you, because at the end of the day, they will not live your life or deal with the mental and emotion aftermath of the assault.
Stop your interactions with said abuser immediately and seek women's shelters if you afraid that it will get worse. No amount of you loving this person will make him stop being abusive. Finally, you are a human being and deserve respect. You do not have to endure assault and abuse. Know your worth.
How as ladies can we better protect ourselves against abusers?