4 Ways To Protect Your Heart While Being In A Situationship
You ever wondered why can’t you just like those guys who are head over heels for you? Instead of liking the guy who puts you on the back burner? He's the “don’t make him a priority, if you’re only an option” type of guy that you keep entertaining because he’s just awesome to be around. Ya'll know what i'm talking about. He is always busy or can't see you like you can see him. He says he isn't ready for a relationship but he sure likes to enjoy your time. And I mean ALL your time.
He wants to hang with you, eat with you, have sex with you. He wants all the goodies of the relationship without the actual title of a relationship. It’s like the rent a center of dating. He really likes what he can do with you, so he wants to use you but still have the option to return you if he has a better deal or just can’t keep up with the payments.
What Is the meaning of a Situationship?
Fabulous came out with a song called Situationships, which kind of touches on situationships but not quite how we will be using it today.
Situationships are the new relationships for the 2010s.
Well, situationships aren’t exactly new. I mean the pied piper of little girls had a song called “Homie, Lover, Friend” in the 90s. This is the friend everything that does everything that the lover will do in private, but in public is just one of the homies. Not really something to strive for, but yet many of us are put into these situationships and are left there to either expire or get “hired'“.(Sorry, I was feeling a little rhymey.)
The Urban Dictionary says; “Let’s just chill, have sex, and be confused on the fact that we are not together but have official emotions for each other. Which I have to admit, I love this explanation because it’s completely true!
I mean who hangs out with you 24/7 just to call you a “friend” or post pictures of you on FB and refer to you in the comments as “a good friend.” My mind is utterly wrinkled by this.
Now don’t get situationships confused with friends with benefits. Friends with benefits have distinct rules that really just focuses on having sex as needed and hanging out every now and then. A sitatuionship is EXACTLY like a relationship. This means this person may have met your family, they are at your home often, heck, they may be very involved with helping with finances and other intimate situations. The only difference is that publicly, you guys are just friends. Stupid? I know. But so many people are doing this today that it is becoming a norm.
Why Do People Get Into Situationships?
I don’t think many people would become involved in a situationship if it was up to them. Usually these happen when one person wants a relationship and the other doesn’t. But because the one who wants the relationship really thinks the other person is a great catch, they are willing to except something, rather than nothing. Or, they haven’t found anything better, so its like, “why not?”
Some people are afraid of getting hurt and they think that once it becomes a relationship or marriage, that the other person will change and start acting evil in the relationship. They think if they just do the situationship, that they will never have to think about when things go sour in a relationship. Which is again stupid because situationships can become just as sour, if not worse.
Finally some people don’t like being alone but haven’t found the one. So instead of just thugging it out in the world of being single, they would rather have a place holder in the interim. Some people aren’t even looking or desiring a solid relationship, they just don’t want to be lonely and the situationship fulfills that need.
Handling Situationship Rules
Much like being friends with benefits, a situationship has rules as well. Many of it is unsaid, because you normally just find yourself in these..well, situations. But the most poignant rule is that you don’t call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, especially in public.
There is also an understanding that ya’ll can date whomever you please. Now ladies you might be the one who wants the relationship so you aren’t looking to date others, but I bet your sweet ass he is. He may not have it all up in your face (I mean he’s not a monster, you just aren’t the only one), but you know that there are other ladies who are vying for his attention and they may or may not know your role in his life.
I mean he’s a great guy right? He tells you everything about what he’s doing and he tries to be honest. I mean, at least that’s what he says.
But I think it’s the thought of other women that really grinds your gears. He doesn't have time to commit but he has time to entertain her females. I know we automatically feel like we are getting played (and we may) but sometimes it means he just isn't sure he wants a relationship just yet. So that sounds like to many of us "Hey, I just want the cookie, but i'm also going to galavant with this other heauxs in these streets. Adieu!" (I said this in an American Accent and then I changed to a French one. It was weird, my bad ya'll)
Some of us even understands that just because we want him now doesn't mean he's there yet. I mean don’t get me wrong, you aren't making a fool of yourself in these streets. But it still bothers you. It still occupies your mind, that you are really into this man, but he's not into you enough to commit. So you hang on. Many of us have hung on to a man hoping to be the one he commits too. Waiting to see if he will chose you and then you can breathe freely about having a monogamous relationship.
Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to date. He may not be right where you are emotionally and mentally. Sometimes we feel like we are at a relationship point so he should be there too. I don't agree with waiting on someone to decide if they want you or not, but sometimes you may feel like you have come across a real gem and you are willing to hang on just a little bit longer.
No shade, I get it, i've been there. So this isn't a post to shame you because women will date a few guys and not be invested in them just yet, but they may be really into that woman. Just because they are really into her, doesn't mean that she wants to be exclusive just yet. Same with some guys. They think you are cool. Enjoy spending time with you, but not sure they are ready to be in a committed relationship.
With that being said, I have three amazing rules for keeping a lady’s date game tight.
4 Ways To Protect Your Heart While Being In A Situationship
1. You're Not The Only One - Hurts doesn’t it? The fact that you put that thang down so hard and so bad that you thought, "Man he ain’t going nowhere and he’s only going to want this." Negative, Nancy. You are not his only thing he is smashing, he’s got Bettys on deck.
He may not tell you this, but trust and believe me, there are some other ladies that he is entertaining. Especially if he is not trying to lock you down or is not coming to you often to get it( a lot of men claim to have high sex drives, so I’m just going off of what they claim). You can’t blame him, he’s a single man, and that’s a perk of being a single man, which is getting new tang as often as possible.
Or maybe having the best of all worlds, maybe they like this chick who has a big butt, and this chick gives great head, or this chick can cook like no tomorrow. They are not ready to settle in the sexual division (or emotional division). So, if you are not going to stop giving him the cookies for the sake of your feelings, at least shield your heart and adopt this mantra. Even if you truly are the only one, just don’t think that. It’ll save your rebound time if he moves on, or when he cancels a date with you when he was the one that pursued the hell out of you to get it.
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2. Be Honest- Ladies we are just trying to date and have fun while waiting for Mr. Right to come through our fantasy door. However, we are not going to be like those grimy people out there and sell dreams. I hate, absolutely hate, when a dude sells me dreams. It’s like “why?” I get it, you want the cookie (because at the end of the day everything comes down to the cookie) but why get me to fall for you and you dump me and then you know who I become? The crazy bitch. Oh, a lot of men know the crazy bitch well.
She has keyed up their car, played games on their cell phone, and when in public has tried to embarrass him on several occasions.(I snickered lightly here) You know how to prevent the crazy bitch? BE HONEST. Ladies prevent the crazy dude by being honest! Let them know that you are not looking for a relationship, or that you may be dating other guys. Also what I see many people don’t do, is take responsibility to create space between yourself and him.
For instance, if he tells you he loves your or want to be with you and you feel nowhere near the same, you need to create distance between yourselves if you want to keep him on as a friend. Even if his bedroom game is tight. I see a lot of dudes sleeping with these girls who they know have feelings for them but continue to ignore them, which will eventually turn them into (dun, dun dun dun!!!) Crazy Bitch.
3. We Don't Love These Joes- Don’t be catching feelings out here in these streets. Especially for those who aren’t your Mr.Right. If you can’t have that physical relationship without falling for that guy, shut the whole entire cookie operation down!!! Don’t put yourself at risk then you will face heartache after heartache.
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4. Protect Your Womb- There are condoms upon condoms upon condoms out here and we are still getting pregnant. Why would we have unprotected sex (no condoms or no birth control) with a man who doesn't even know if he wants to be with you? Talk about putting the cart before the horse. Ladies, we have to be responsible for our bodies.
Yes, I know you wish every man would just understand the big deal about being a father, and pregnancy, and we both made this kid, and etc, etc, etc. You done? Let's get back to reality. We are responsible for self. A lot of the heartache we experienced could have been avoided if we thought out our choices.
He is a great guy right now. I get it. He puts the toilet seat down. He says yes ma'am, and no ma'am. He even listens to you about how you feel. These are great qualities but not great enough to decide that you want to have a child with him. Slow down and enjoy, but let's not get too crazy now.
Dating is hard, but it can be done.
Have you ever fallen for someone before they fell for you? Did you hold on? Or did you move on?