3 Reasons Why I Like Dating Single Fathers
My name is Miss Champagne B, and I'm a dad-ophile. Yes, some of you are out there like "OH NO" while others may be like, "meh." However, I do enjoy dating single fathers. I won't say that they are better than men without kids, because, of course, men without children have their perks as well (mainly more time on their hands), but for some reason, men with kids have been more attractive to me.
My love for single fathers has been something in me for years, because I love kids and always wanted a crew, but I didn’t want to go through the birthing process multiple times. Also, when you see a big strong man pick up his cute little daughter as she says "I love you, daddy," it melts my heart, and then I become a sucker for daddies.
Now, I will say, my biological father wasn't as present in the early stages of my life, so I'm pretty sure there are some jacked up psychological reasons why I gravitate towards men with children.
However, dating single fathers was not my thing initially.
I know what you are thinking. As a single woman with no kids, why would I want to date someone with kids? Why would I subjugate myself to drama and baggage? I mean, I even had to ask myself this question several times, especially when so many people were against it.
"I'm not looking to date a ready-made family."
I dated this guy in my 20s, and we talked about dating people with children. He was also, like myself, young and had no kids of his own. He was vehemently against dating single mothers and didn’t even acknowledge their presence when they approached him for dating. I wasn't entirely against dating single fathers, but I didn't necessarily seek those single fathers out either. While we were watching T.V., we started talking about what type of persons we would like to date.
He didn't like dating single mothers, and although I didn't care, either way, I asked him why not? If she's a good woman, why wouldn't you give her a shot? He said that he didn't want to have a "ready-made" family. He didn't want to inherit the baggage that came with raising other people's children or the baby-daddy drama that we often see.
This totally made sense to me. Who wants to fight someone all the time over kids that aren’t yours and with a person who may run back to them as soon as the dispute is over? Why go through that pain? At that time, I was trying to figure out who I was and what I was about. I couldn't possibly imagine dating a man with children at that moment, because it's too much work and too much of a hassle.
“You'll never be first.”
As I continued to date, my dating preference was men without children, but for some reason, men with kids kept approaching me. It's like I had the sign "baby momma #5" on my forehead. Believe me; I wasn't being judgmental. I know things happen in life and it shouldn’t make that person undateable for life. I just kept receiving the lesson of "don't date men with kids" from various people around me. (Mainly women)
My friend's mother one time told me that if I dated a man with kids, I "would never be first." Meaning his children and his duties would always come before me. When a man would say he had a child, those thoughts would swirl around in my head, and I would eventually lose interest.
The great thing about getting older is that you learn and grow. My "no kids" rule was never hard in stone, but I stopped judging fathers so harshly. Are single fathers truly that bad?
With Age, Comes Change
My mother was a single mother, and I thought to myself one day about her dating journey. How hard it may have been to find a guy who gave her a shot. She's a pretty good woman, and she had a beautiful kid. (A fantastic child I might add) If a man said he didn't date her because of her kid, he might have missed a diamond in the rough.
As for the "coming first" thing, I was okay with his kids having to come before me for certain things. But I learned that it wasn't as if the dad just ignored you right off the bat for his children. His kids wouldn't suddenly walk into the room and he would stop talking to me and then start talking to the kids. I learned the excellent single fathers were able to balance when the children had their time and when we had our time.
I had also found when I dated men who didn't have children. They felt like they were the prize. They wanted me to prove to them how "amazing" I was before they did anything to show that they even wanted something substantial.
Before you go into that whole "the woman is the prize" rhetoric, I believe that we both should be out here getting to know each other. No need to jump through dumb ass hoops, let's just learn and grow without trying to see how much we can get from each other without giving.
Stop Hating Being Single and Embrace It!
Some of the childless men I was meeting,(who were often 35 and up)turned me off at times because it felt as if they had this chip on their shoulder. They were proud of their accomplishments, which they should be, but it became more of a shit fest on those with kids. I don’t like to degrade other people’s journeys because you never know if you’ll be in that same spot one day. They felt as though they were these rare unicorns and that I should be “impressed” to meet them so much that I should be jumping out my panties to please.
The single fathers I noticed wasn't on this high horse. They had children, and lives, and were looking to settle down. They wanted a relationship and to have stability in their lives. Some of my best dates were with single fathers. They seemed to be more grounded and understood that shit happened versus the men who didn't have kids who were judgmental about so many small unimportant things.
Now, of course, this isn't everyone's experience, just mine, but my goal is to share with you why you shouldn't completely push single fathers out of your dating rotation.
A couple of things to keep in mind.
Treat single fathers like you would treat childless men. What I mean is that you always take into account one's character. We know that there are shitty men with kids. (duh!)
Also, I'm talking about the men who are active in their child's life. Not the "I'll raise you when I see you"dads, but the single fathers who are sharing custody and responsibility with the mother. Which brings me to another point; Peep that relationship with the mother! If he doesn't have a good handle on the situation with the mother of his child, he may not be someone you want to take too seriously.
Many co-parents have great relationships with each other. I know the big blowouts between the bitter parents are what we often witness. That's because those disputes are what makes the big bucks for the media and gets the most likes on social media.
Dating single fathers aren't all that bad, and they can make some amazing partners.
1. You know that they are good with kids
Now and then you have that outlier who treats his second set of kids like crap, but the excellent single fathers love their children like they love life itself. They may do some unique types of child-rearing, but being present and raising their children to be upstanding citizens is often what they strive to do. You don't have to guess what type of dad he is, because you can already see it.
2. Can have a conversation that doesn't revolve around sex
Yes men like to talk about sex, but he can talk about other things as well. When you are a parent of active children, you are always going to have something to discuss. Maybe talking about kids aren't your thing but it's a great way to start a conversation and to bounce over to other things that you may want to talk about. Also, active fathers tend to learn more about life and other subjects because they want to pass on good knowledge to their children, which means more variety in your conversation.
3. They have stability
Taking care of kids requires a lot, and these dads do what is necessary to make sure their children do not want for anything. An active single father has a stable environment and reliable transportation, so you don't have to worry about picking him up to bring him to the date, nor worry about him being unemployed because he's about taking care of his babies.
I am curious, I might be alone in this post, and that's fine, but what are some benefits to dating single fathers? What are your experiences dating single dads?