He Doesn't Want To Be With You, He's Just A Good Guy
Hey, Y'all! Happy Friday!
Let me tell y'all, starting a business can be difficult and sometimes you have to sacrifice now so that you can live it up later.
I'm wit it.
So, I've started working in a gym that is flipping amazing! It's like a super rich people resort and I feel like I should be giving the stank face to poor people because of my amazing free membership to this gym. (Although I am poor myself. #hypocrite)
During my shift, I was speaking to my cool coworker, and we naturally started talking about dating men.
She told me a story, and I felt what she was saying and where she was coming from. I perfectly understood her situation because hell I've lived it a few times and some of y'all have too!
Have you ever had a guy who you felt like sent you mixed signals? He told you he wasn't looking to be with you or in a relationship, but he is always there when you need them?
I mean he hangs out with you, he seems to enjoy your company, and if you needed $25 right now he would get it to you, buuut he doesn't want an exclusive relationship with you. You must have been thinking, "what the french toast!" right?
This is going to sound crazy, but hear my theory out: Some guys are good guys who aren't interested in a relationship with you.
You are this vivacious, beautiful, good azz woman who is great to be around and a blast to be with. Your family says you are a great person. Your friends think you are terrific. The guys you don't want are all in enamored with you. You are this great catch so no man should be able to resist your charm.
Unfortunately, you can be the sweetest peach in Georgia, and there is still someone who may not like peaches. (Thanks Shanna!)
There is something about you that makes him not want to be with you in an exclusive relationship. But just because he doesn't want to be committed to you, doesn't mean that he doesn't see the value in the friendship with you.
I know we fall into that abyss of men can't possibly just be friends with a woman, but some men have actually evolved pass the "either we fucking or you leaving" thought process.
Some guys like female company. (Shit's crazy right?)
And sure, they still want to get into your pants, (and will probably do so if presented with the right opportunity) but they are also cool kicking it with you.
Think of the guys who are in your inbox who find you attractive, but you don't want to be with. ( I can think of a few)
Some of these guys are cool AF, but you don't want to be with them for a few reasons; They aren't physically attractive. They are players. They live too far away. They don't want kids. They have too many kids, and so on.
You don't see those guys as necessarily shitty guys, but just guys you aren't interested in. The same thing goes for these guys. You are cool as heck, but when it comes to a relationship or marriage, they aren't interested in going down that path.
Some of these guys may be interested in being with you later, but need more time to feel you out.
Some of these guys like the interaction between you two, so instead of saying they don't want to be with you because you are fat, (which will piss you off and possibly end the friendship) they would instead say they don't want a relationship.
Some of these men may be your exes or baby daddies who appreciate you and believe that you are very valuable because of what you brought to the table and the responsibility to their children. However, he still doesn't want to be with you.
We are so accustomed to dealing with shitty men that don't want us that we forgot that good man could also not want us. (It hurts? I know.)
The difference between a good man who doesn't want you and a shitty man who doesn't want you is that a good man will at least let you know he isn't looking for a relationship.
If he's fantastic, he may even let you know he isn't looking for a relationship with you. (10 points if he's ballsy enough to tell you why.) Once he tells you he doesn't want to be with you, it is up to you to take that response and act accordingly.
Remember men aren't like us ladies. They don't have issues saying what they feel if asked directly. If he tells he doesn't want something, believe him.
It's not a trick. He's not scared.
He's not secretly testing you to see if you can try to change his mind. He is honest with you. My advice is you take the honesty and put him in the friend zone just like he did with you.
So let's stop lumping all men who aren't interested in us as men who are crappy. We have the right to pass on dating prospects, and so do they. Though it may hurt to recognize we can't have the one we want, we shouldn't degrade ourselves and feel like we aren't beautiful people just because someone doesn't want us.
I'm sure you have been denied for many jobs positions, but that doesn't mean that you are a bad employee. It means you weren't what they were looking for. That's it!
After all, some guys can make some awesome friends as well. And though he doesn't want to be with you, he still recognizes that you are a pretty cool chick.