What Makes A Woman Wife Material?
Can you imagine still being single by the age of 30?
Surrounded by your friends who are happily married with children? The constant reminder from everyone around you that you would be happier with a bun in the oven and a partner on your arm.
Well, I don't have to imagine it, I lived it. I hated being single and worked hard to figure out, what could I do to leave the single life.
As my friends where getting married, I kept thinking something was missing within me. There was a reason why my relationships did not end in marriage, but ended in, well, they just stopped. I would scour the internet looking for articles that could shed light on why I was still single.
I then stumbled upon some male-led blogs that spoke about "wife material." If a woman did this, she was "wife material." If a woman did that, she was deemed "wife material."
I had some work to do if I wanted to gain this magical wife material stuff so I can get married. I mean does it grow on trees? Can I purchase it at the bank?
As I continued reading, the recommendations from these blogs seemed reasonable. I decided to try some of these suggestions to see if I could increase my chances of being married. You know, like being at a casino. If you play more lines on the slot machines, you have a better chance of winning.
Lesson #1 "A woman should be able to cook."
I took cooking classes and invested in cable television so that I could watch cooking shows to expand my mind. I would practice making meals and baking delicacies that tickled the pallet. I would invite some of the guys I dated over to my home to give them a sample of how dinners with me could be if we were together. They would rave and say it was delicious, gobbling up every little morsel. But it was not tasty enough to make me their girlfriend.
Lesson #2 "A single woman shouldn't travel too much or do too many big lifetime achievements by herself."
Because what else would a man have left to bring to the table if she can do it alone? If she has a house, a big paying job, or traveled too much when she finally encounters a man, what else could they do together?
She has to let a "man be a man." She has already experienced tons of life's significant milestones. Why would she need a man? How could she respect him if she could do for herself what he could do? So, even though I could afford to do so, I pushed aside purchasing my first home. I didn't travel to far and exciting places because I wanted to wait until I found a man. I didn't want to scare him off with my ambition. (How brainwashed was I?)
So I made sure I didn't do too much because I didn't want a man to be intimidated by my thirst for life. Although I suppressed my desires to do it big, I still was living single.
Lesson #3 "Always keep him entertained. Never be boring."
I mean..my name is Champagne, so obviously, I'm a party in human form right? Well, I'm extra, but to this point, I am a very entertaining person, so I've been told.
I was a blast at parties, I knew how to keep a conversation going, and my confidence was pretty high. But, not too high that it was deemed obnoxious. I fancied myself the type of woman you could take to big meetings as a trophy piece that sat upon my future lover's arm.
Yet and still, no matter how charming I was, I remained single.
After all the hours I spent online reading on how to become "wife material," I still couldn't figure out how to become someone's wife. I started asking the guys that I used to date who was now married, what was wrong with me? What was I lacking? They would all say nothing, that I was fine.
I didn't believe them, however. These men didn't commit to me. Something told them that I wasn't the one they wanted to spend their life with. There was something wrong with me, and I needed to know what it was.
A Complex Yet Simple Breakthrough
I eventually changed my "Why am I still single" focus group. I began speaking to the spouses of my friends. They loved me like a sister and gained nothing from being completely honest. I also changed my question; Instead of asking if I was "wife material," I started asking them what made them want to marry their wives. What was it about her that made him want to say "I do."
I expected to hear things like "When she walked through the door, there was a light illuminating from her and I knew that she was the one."
I heard things such as "She had big boobs, and she checked up on me with no ulterior motives." Or, "She had big boobs, and she brought me soup when I was sick." Finally, my favorite reason which was "When I was ready, she happened to be around." Very romantic right?
These responses were none of the lessons I had read on the internet. The blogs were wrong and gave me nothing but more insecurities about myself which led me to waste more time.
What I did learn was that there is no one characteristic when it comes to being "wife material." True enough there are basic things that men would like in a partner. (Loyalty, honesty, love, and trust.) But what it comes down to, is every man's definition of "wife material" was different. Some men love an outspoken woman who grabs life by the horns. Others may want a woman who is quieter and fancies a simple life at home.
The more you try to change into someone you are not, the unhappier you will be. That person will love the you whom you have created, not the you that you are.
There is someone for everyone. The one for you wouldn't want you to change who you are just to be like every other girl. It's always great to be a better you, but don't lose who you indeed are in the process.
.Live your life to the fullest and love yourself. Work on being the best YOU that you can be and the one who is meant to love you will naturally gravitate towards your divine light.
Keep the hope alive loves.
What do you think makes a woman wife material? Is there such a thing?