3 Life Lessons I Learned While Dating
My 30s were quickly approaching, and I was on a determined path to find a husband. As I became more desperate about my future, dating didn't seem fun anymore, but a chore.
I was bored with the same questions each time.
What do you do?
What are you looking for in a woman?
What's your favorite color?
And then some weird sex question which did vary by each guy I dated, so I guess there's some variety there.
But I was tired. I looked around and saw my friends getting married and settling down. Here I was, unable to find someone I could stomach enough so that I could say "You'll do. I can figure out some way to love you, as long as you want to get married."
Obviously, ladies, this is not how you should date.
I put so much pressure on finding a husband (or letting one find me) that I was burnt out on dating.
When people tried to set me up on dates I would roll my eyes so hard...then I'd go on the date. The dates weren't complete failures; however, and some did result in solid business contacts (and friends) later.
I wasn't looking for business connections. I was looking for a love connection.
What I didn't realize, was that although my endless dating didn't result in marital bliss, I learned a lot of necessary lessons. Not only as an adult but as a woman who wants to settle down someday.
We often do not look at ourselves when it comes to growing and improving...
We already think we have what it takes to be in a relationship and we believe that as long as someone is into us like we are into them, we can make a relationship work.
That isn't always the case. Many of us don't know how to be a good partner or what skills are needed to be a better partner for others.
Learning how to be a better partner is how dating can help you. It teaches you to not only identify what you want in a significant other but also shows you some skills you should possess to be a good partner.
These little things I learned in dating helped mold me so that when I did have my next long term relationship, it was healthy because of what I learned while I was dating.
3 Life Lessons
1. You learn more about a person when you speak less and listen more
Have you ever listened to someone was talking about something you didn't really care about? The whole time in your head you are prepping your response to their subject so that you could hurry up and move to something that you really want to talk about. I did this plenty of times.
But I was wrong because I missed out on some essential flags and just useful information about the person I was getting to know.
When I started listening to what my dates were saying, I learned so much about them, and I noticed small issues that were red flags. These flags let me know that I should move on to the next. One of those red flags allowed me to leave someone who was highly abusive and later would serve time for assault and battery.
2. Time Wasted Is Life Lost
Some of us (including myself) are guilty of going on pity dates or dates that we don't want to go on. Or, the offer of free food has been presented to us, so now we have to go.
Then when you go on these dates, you are unimpressed, uninterested, and uninspired. You knew that you should have stayed home and watched Netflix with chilled wine. But noooooo, you had to go out and do something with your life, and now you are stuck listening to him talk about who is stronger; Super Saiyan 4 Goku or Super Saiyan 4 Gohan.
If you do not want to do something, just say no. It's a waste of time, and it may appear that you are leading someone into thinking you are interested in them for something substantial when you are actually bored. If you are that bored grab some baking soda and vinegar and do a science project. Life is too short to waste time doing things that you not only don't want to do but do not have to do.
3. Listen To Your Dates Wants and Needs
If they tell you what they want/don't want, listen. This quote reminds me of Maya Angelou's quote, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them." It's the same in theory.
If someone tells you they don't want a relationship, listen to them. We often complain that people aren't honest about what they want and when they are, we go with the flow and try to change their mind down the road. Then when they stick to their guns, we become made and say "oohhh he ain't shit."
Listening is vital for a relationship to thrive and if you can't do it on a smaller scale, you will have major issues doing it in a relationship.
What are three life lessons that dating has taught you?