Corporate to Self Employment: Hello Doubt, My Old Friend
So I have started it. It has begun!! I have started sending cold emails to wineries across the US and some outside the country. Some people only have FB and so far I have seen people look at the message and not respond. This is to be expected, only in a super lucky world or if your product is that awesome, will it be a yes the first time around. But for some odd, inexplicable reason, I feel hopeful. During the day when I’m up and moving (and sober) I feel the desire to succeed so strongly! I feel like, I can do this! Just takes me a little time! But sometimes late at night when I’m relaxing and had me a few glasses of wine, that feeling is in the back of my mind lurking. You know that feeling, that sorry piece of sh*t named Doubt. He sits in the back and attacks you at the moment of weakness. You see, me and doubt has had this relationship for years. It’s hard to keep him at bay when I’m weak. But 80% of the time I’m rather strong and I tend to not listen completely to others. I take the advice needed and then go on about my business. Because of that, many of my choices (successes and failures) is because I took the lead and went for it. However, Doubt has been close behind and many times I cannot hear him. I truly thought for many years he was my heart of hearts. Keeping me safe from getting in trouble or losing. But what I’ve learned is that Doubt is a conniving, manipulator that sometimes pretends to be your heart of hearts if you do not use your head. Doubt will creep into my mind and talk my ear off. (True story) He says “yo, this is stupid. You will not make it because there is too much competition and not enough room for you. You should just keep working in corporate America because it’s secure. You have a degree. You are very qualified to work harder for the company and make those big dollars! It’s not too late to turn back now! If you keep going down this path at the rate you are going..it wont work. That’s just me being honest.” And after awhile he kinda makes sense and then I get said because I’m like “you are right”.
The great thing about doubt is that he is only able to speak when defenses are down and I listen to him. So when I wake up the next day, I’m back to being clear and me. I remember what I’m doing. I remember the wins that I’ve gotten and I recount how many others before me have said that it’s hard to get to where they wanted to go. But d*mmit they got there! I’m behind you guys, just give me a second to catch up…… Just. Don’t. Give. Up.