Why she won't leave him?
When dating jerks many of us have one good question: Why won't she leave him?I don’t necessarily think that women set out to date ‘bad boys’ all the time. I don’t think it’s so cut and dry in that manner. When many people think of a ‘bad boy’ you think of someone who has been to jail fifty/leven times, he disrespects all women, no real job, just a real scumbag. I do not think that the ‘bad boys’ that people talk about are so obvious nor do I think that some women set out to date that type of guy. I think what it comes down to is just how the cards fell and that’s how she ended up with a less than stellar guy. Let’s be honest, he may not be a ‘less than stellar’ guy but someone who seems pretty decent and has lost his way as well, but doesn’t know how to not drag someone else’s heart in the mud. So the question is: why do women fall in love with men who treat them like crap?
Now the ‘bad boy’ example I gave is an extreme case and sometimes women who have no value of themselves are drawn to these guys. But what about your women who have some type of idea of their worth? How are they sucked into this one-sided situation, where she’s giving all she has, and loving so much, but yet he’s not giving her much of anything? Well it’s easy, if he has your heart.
I met a guy who I liked and we both talked about wanting a relationship. We went out on two good dinner dates, and after that he only wanted to meet at bars and at the last minute. Frankly, I don’t need to be in the bar all the time, the combination of his cigarette covered breath with beer did not get me moist in the least. However, he was cool and seemed like a nice guy, until he started to turn into a jerk. He began to cancel dates, and just not show up whereas I was initiating all the dates, calling him, you know, doing the most. I got the hint eventually and I sent him a text about how I felt. He never responded and I was salty (only because I am a sensitive person) but I got the hint and I haven’t talked to him since. The difference was that he didn’t have my heart. So it made it easier to recognize his bullsh*t and keep it moving.
Then you get to the guy who you didn’t know you would fall for. Maybe you guys hung out a lot, worked together, went to school together, and you just fell for him. As acquaintances he was doing enough to classify him as a friend and your feelings started to grow for him. Next thing you know he gave you the D, and you have now deemed him as the complete package. So you start doing things for him to get him to see how amazing you are, and think that because you fell for him, he clearly has fallen for you. No ma’am, he has not. All he thinks now is that you are just a really, really good friend. Often times we may not tell him how we feel because we think they should know how we feel and we keep giving up the goodies as a lifeline to stay connected to him, because in our womanly heads, eventually, that “relationship desire” is going to seep up through his penis to his heart and make him commit to us.
Another reason is complacency and fear. After spending so long with someone you have gotten accustomed to this person being in your life. It’s hard to find someone that you do not mind spending forever with. You begin to remember how hard it was to find the guy that you are with now, and you know it may take another 4-5 years to find someone else. So, you try to salvage what you have, hoping and praying that he will turn around and become the man you need him to be.
That hope is a powerful thing. It gets you to endure through times of struggle, helps you achieve greatness, and unfortunately keeps you in a situation with someone who doesn’t treat you as you would treat them. As time goes on, we try to read through his actions and analyze his words for traces of his desire for us. Some guys may lead you on, while others will be very clear, but we choose to ignore it. From spending time and energy with this guy, we fall deeply in love. The heart is a wonderful thing and a terrible thing at the same time. You can’t just turn it on and off at will. It has a mind of its own and you can have all the logic in the world, but you heart will still overturn a carefully crafted case of the ‘we shouldn’ts’ for the disease of ‘why we shoulds’. The more your heart is invested in to someone the more sh*t you are willing to endure. You make up excuses as to why this and that happened, forgive easily when f**ked up situations occur, all the while looking pretty dumb to the friend(s) that you are confiding in.
I can give you a million reasons as to why she won't leave him, but it's just easier for me to say, “Ladies, have more respect for yourself”. A lot of women do have respect for themselves, they just get hit with Cupid’s Arrow and all you can do at that point is just let love run its course. I do not believe that only women face this issue. I think that women happen to fall in love easier than men but when men fall, they fall harder than women. Some of us are in this position right now and trying your damnest to get out of it. There is no cure, and unless you can cut that person off cold turkey, you just have to wait until you get to that ‘f**k it’ moment. But that’s another post…..
When your love won't let you walk away And it can't help who it loves And you find yourself givin' it all away When you think you're in love 'cuz I wanna be
-Heaven sent, Keyshia Cole