(Note: this post is strictly towards those men who are mature) I often find that as women, we aren't the best with learning how to handle rejection. We assume because we want to be with you, that you should just want to be with us. No ifs, ands, or possibilities. I was reading a Facebook post about a young lady wanting to buy a PS4 for a good ‘friend’ of hers who I knew she wanted more with, but he wasn’t feeling her in that way. In my head I thought, "that was stupid". Not because I wouldn’t buy my friends a really good gift. If I was balling and bringing in large money dollars a year, then yes I could see me spending over $400 on a friend. True enough, I don’t know her financial situation but I do know some women’s situations. I have seen women spend gobs of money on a man in hopes that he will succumb to her thoughtfulness and commit to an exclusive relationship. We will support this man through midlife crises, keep him company with our minds and bodies while he’s in this indecisive period and wait on that day when he commits. If he’s a good guy, he definitely appreciates what you are doing. He sees you as a very good person and definitely as an asset in his life. He probably has looked at you in that “relationshipesque” light. But for some reason he deems you more friend worthy instead of girlfriend/wife worthy. (Why can’t a woman just be friends with a man? Future post coming soon!!!)
You have to learn how to learn how to handle rejection and not take it personal
At this point he lets you know where he stands. He probably is letting you know because you have asked, or he’s at the point where he’s ready to pursue someone who he really wants to be committed to. That’s when he lets you know that you have been a great friend and doesn’t see you in that manner. “Excuse me sir? Why not?” Then we go ham. We remember all the times we kept him company, crying about his problems, all the time we spent together being intimate, not to mention that $400 PS4 you bought his a**. Now he doesn’t want to be with you? The nerve of him! No boo boo, the nerve of YOU. I have to admit that as humans, even the most morally sound of us, we do things in order to get a return on our efforts. I.e. we want something in return for what we did. I’m sure you did like this guy and he did seem like he would be a great husband, but what you were doing was trying to manipulate him into being with you. I’m not saying that you can’t do nice things for the guy. You just have to keep it within reason. Lunch here and there is cool; buying a $300 jacket is probably not something you don’t do especially if you don’t have it. Don’t do relationship things when you guys are only friends. Do not go so hard in the paint doing things for this guy and he hasn’t done as much for you or so much as declared what he is looking for with you. I suppose it is the nurturing part of women. We want to help and support our men. When they are down, we want to uplift them. There is nothing wrong with that. We should do that indiscriminately. It’s when they do not give us what we ultimately want, that he becomes a lame a** dude, a liar, a snake, etc. etc. etc.
The other issue, is that just because you felt this way about him, doesn’t mean that he has to feel this way about you. Just think if you met a guy who was all in for you but for some reason you didn’t connect, you wouldn’t just stay with him because of what he provided right? ….. Well, some women would, I wouldn’t personally. If there is a spark missing, I don’t see the point in pursuing it. Why? So later down the line, I can cheat on him or get divorced? No sir! Same for these mature men, they are missing that spark with you and it is unfair to have them commit to you knowing that they aren’t feeling the way that you feel. Plus, how rude would that be for him to just be with you because of the things you provided? All someone else has to do is provide more to him and then he can leave you. There should be a deeper connection between the two of you that binds you together. Don’t be mad at him, be mad that you did so much and didn’t set those boundaries.
Keep in mind that love is not easy. It isn’t always perfect. It isn’t always fair. When you get into the game of love you are always taking a gamble. Sometimes you lose out on the guy who you thought was for you, but if you keep your eyes open the one that is even better for you will come along and be thankful that old dude from before didn’t get his diamond. I am not saying that you can’t do anything nice for someone that you are into. I am saying that as women, we have to set healthy boundaries in our relationships, which we will talk about next time…….