Why you should never chase a man

You have your share of guys.  Some are losers, some are just not able to keep up with you, and some just, well, aren’t really what's for you.  That is…until you find a guy who meets all of your criteria.  Caring? Check! Funny? Check! And upon closer inspection handsome, too!?!?!? Check! Check! Cheeeeck!!!!! With this lovely gentleman crossing your path, you think “Finally! This is a guy that I would love to settle down with!”  

You decide, that you don’t want to play the elusive “hard to get” game.  You want him to know that you like him and that you want more.  So you answer every call, you meet him every time he asks you to, if he asks you to.  If he doesn’t ask you to hang out with him, you are always the one initiating the hangouts and the gatherings.  In fact, you start to realize that maybe he isn’t as into you as you are into him.  That realization hurts, but you are hoping it’s not true.  That maybe your brain is over analyzing things. 

You start to make up excuses for him. You ignore the fact that he doesn’t return your calls or texts, that he is cancels outings with you but is having dinner with other chicks (which you witness per facebook). When you guys are finally together, he’s texting other people while with you, basically not giving you the attention you deserve.  Then when you get pissed off he comes and gives you 2 hours of his time and now everything is right as rain!!! That little bit of attention pacifies you and your valid issues seems no longer valid.  Now you are willing to put up with all the aforementioned bullshit until he comes back to pacify you. 

It eventually becomes a cycle that you have created and allowed.  He abides by the rules for a little bit, and then you are good. Then he begins to ignore you, and then you feel hurt. You hope if you bend over backwards he will somehow, someway, see how amazing you are! Unfortunately my dear, that isn’t the case.  He just isn’t that into you.  He likes you, sure. But that isn't the same feeling you have.  I also like when Macy’s gives away free gifts, but it doesn’t mean that I am ready to make a serious commit to the store.

So why do we chase this guy? Who the fuck is he? Why do we hold on so tight for this person who consistently shows us that others are more interesting and more important to be with than us?

Why you should never chase a man

  1. Society tells us that most black women are not getting married- I have heard the variety of percentages quoted by people. From the amount of 45% to the amount of 70%, the black woman's plight is "real". Basically, black women have a better chance at discovering a cure for cancer than to get married. Until I do the research (which I am working on right now) I will not believe that it is the truth. Do I believe that there are more women than men? Sure! But not enough for us to participate in polygamy. However, it’s being pushed down our throats so hard that we are becoming scared and once we grab a hold of something that fits us (like a pair of red bottom shoes) we are not letting go.

  2. Afraid we won’t find someone like this person- This person fits you in every way. You have looked so long and now it seems like you found your star. If you have been single for a while you may understand how hard it is to find someone that you actually connect with. And through your search and your desire to find someone who fits you, this guy seems like he’s it. You are willing to go through this small patch of disappointment, if you feel like it will yield a great reward.

  3. Low Self Esteem- He is the only one who has treated you like the queen you deserve to be. No one has done that for you. You aren’t the prettiest, or the thinnest. You could stand to have some plastic surgery completed.(So you believe) But when you are with him, you feel like the prettiest girl in the world. Now you have to hang on to that feeling. He is the prize and if you keep being persistent he will cave in. (Imagine Urkel and Laura Winslow)

  4. Tired of being alone- Loneliness has a way of creeping up on you. Winters are colder, dresses are harder to zip up, s*x becomes boring when done solo dolo. Loneliness has a way of tricking you into thinking you need to go through that b.s. You haven’t had anyone in the process and hell, he’s better than being alone. He’s at least someone.

Well, ladies, I am here to tell you one thing: YOU ARE WORTH IT.  You do not have to chase a man.  Letting him know you are interested is one thing, but letting him treat you any kind of way, like you are a door mat isn’t the way to a relationship either.  You are worth great love and treatment and admiration.  You are worth someone looking in your eyes and telling you they love all your flaws and perfections. 

You are worth someone to love. If you don’t give that to yourself, he won’t give it to you.  You set the standard for how you want to be treated.  Granted he could probably be a nice guy, but for some reason he’s not consistent in his efforts towards you nor does it seem that he is that interested in pursuing you.  I know it’s hard to walk away from a guy who seems to be “the one” but honestly you have to be willing to walk away if it’s not benefiting you.

Is it easy? No, not at all.  You have to take small baby steps.  Try falling back from constantly setting up dates, or constantly texting him.  Put some space between you two. Maybe he will realize that you are a great gal! 9 out of 10 he won’t and he was just enjoying the benefits you may have been giving.   I compare this scenario to the house buying experience.  You come across this amazing house! It has 3 bathrooms, great yard, everything you wanted, and even some of what you didn’t know you needed.  In negotiations you realized you aren’t getting the price you wanted and the price they want you to pay is too high. 

You love this house, but know that you cannot afford the price.  Don’t let the sellers know that you love the house so much that you are willing to pay that high amount. If they know, they will ransom the house for it. You have to be willing to walk away from this perfect home.  Maybe they will meet your demands.  If not, you will have to find a new home that’s for you. If you know it’s not right, don’t settle.  However, I have learned something from the home buying experience that can be very true for dating; If you wait long enough and pray hard enough, something better will come along.